Life Changes

1. Listen Actively:
   • Be available. Make sure you have some relaxed, non-confronting conversation every day.
   • Concentrate on what is being sold. Make eye contact and show a genuine interest in what is being sold.
   • Listen between the lines to your student's concerns and feelings, so you hear the feelings of frustration, anger, happiness, etc.
2. Talk With Your Students:
   • Use "I" messages or statements about how a specific behavior affects you rather than "you" messages which criticize and condemn, creating a defensive reaction (e.g. "I feel angry when...", rather than, you're so dumb when...).
   • Ask open-ended questions to encourage responses. For example, "What do you think? What does it look like to you? How else could you handle the problem? " Be accepting of their ideas.
   • Avoid name calling and put-down remarks. If you are extremely angry, wait until you calm down before talking to your student. "I'm angry right now; let's talk about it in 20 minutes. " Be courteous in tone of voice and avoid abruptness which may produce feelings of hostility in your student.
   • Remember, how you handle communication in your own life will be the most powerful.
3. Set Consistent, Firm and Reasonable Limits:
   • Establish consequences that fit the situation and are meaningful for the student and the value system of the parents.
   • Give as much freedom as the student is able to reasonably handle, and increase freedom when responsibility is shown.
   • Choose limits that fit the age but have value. Example: drop bedtime but enforce your established curfew.
   • Don't panic when kids test the limit. Calmly enforce consequences for the behavior and make clear statements about your future expectations.
   • Remember that how you handle consequences in your own life will be the most powerful teacher of all.
4. Promote a Positive Personality With Your Student:
   • Live together in mutual respect. As you do so, you and your young adult will be more trusting and less interested in denying each other's rights.
   • Focus on positive behavior. Notice and comment on efforts, contributions, and any movement toward cooperation. Minimize mistakes he or she makes.
   • Let your student learn from the logical consequences of living. Avoid a relationship based only on reward and punishment.
   • Have the courage to be imperfect. Recognize your own limitations and don't place unreasonable demands on yourself. In the same way, encourage your student to have the courage to be imperfect and to live with limitations.
   • Take your young adult seriously. Care about things that are important to them: friendships, art, music, school activities, books, movies, etc.
   • Understand and accept the wonderful way your young adult is developing.
5. Make Sure Your Student is Developing the Capacity to Make Decisions and Accept Resonsibility for Those Actions:
   • Understand and use decision-making strategies so that their choices are made by action rather than inaction or reaction. As decisions become more difficult and/or fine lines become grayer, more and more elaborate decision-making skills must be put into play.
   • Give your student first a voice, and, when appropriate next give the student a choice in matters that affect them. Parents need to suggest and help rather than direct and decide.
   • Examine the potential consequences of choices: choosing, and then accepting the responsibility for the choices they make.
   • Model decision making in your own life will be a valuable teaching tool. Explain how and why you made the decision. If you feel that you could use more information in this area, contact the school counseling department for references.
6. Give Continued Emotional Support; It Helps Students Withstand Peer Presure.
   Peer pressure is a reality; and the need for teens to conform is great. Finding importance and sense of belonging outside the home is a necessary step to maturity. To the teenager this conformity may mean making a decision totally different from his/her parents.
   • Give support through eye contact, brief physical contact, and most important, Time.
   • Give more time, not less. When parents genuinely offer time, pressure is relieved, and open communication and trust can occur. This can be a very meaningful time in your lives.
7. Know Who Your Student's Friends are, Even in Highschool:
   • Accept the friendships, as long as you are certain that the friend in question is not influencing your child in a negative way (drugs, alcohol, sex, behavior in ways unacceptable to your family style). Negative responses usually encourage relationships of which you disapprove.
   • Encourage your student's friends to come to your home so that you can get acquainted.
   • Call other parents; often they share the same concerns.
8. Develop an Awareness of Warning Signs and Symptoms of Drug Abuse:
   • Learn symptoms:
     Some of these are normal in a young adult and must be approached with concern rather than suspicion:
     • withdrawal from family and former friends
     • lack of interest in formerly favored hobbies, sports, or activities
     • extended periods of moodiness, irritability, depression, anxiety
     • frequent outbursts of temper and a generally resentful attitude
     • sudden interest in a new group of friends or new hangouts
     • persistent boredom and lack of motivation to do anything
     • noticeable drop in attention span, lack of concentration
     • vague or secretive attitude about friends and activities
     • stealing money or salable items from home
     • drop in performance levels at school
     • over-reaction to minor mishaps
     • loss of short-term memory
     • distort time
   • Practice as a parent:
     • keeping open communication with your student.
     • serving as responsible role model for your student.
     • giving your student emotional support and a strong, loving family life.
     • expressing your expectations regarding your student's use of alcohol and other drugs.
   • Communicating with other parents:
     • making sure that parties are chaperoned.
     • Letting other parents know you expect alcoholic beverages will not be served.
     • Finding out when parties will be over.
     • Knowing where your students are.
     • Learning what the school can do for you by providing counseling help, referral resources, and the student assistance program .